Dating: Do or Don't But Here Are The Facts

There has been so much this week that has gotten me excited!

What is dating?

Dating is a time to get to know someone and increase intimacy with them.  Usually, when we think of dating we think of boyfriends and girlfriends who are exclusively spending time together.  However, there is a earlier form of dating that is often ignored.  This dating involves going on dates with a variety of people without choosing one person in particular.  These dates are meant for initiating relationships and enjoying people's company.  They involve less commitment because you aren't singling off but, at the same time, they allow you to become more certain of what you might actually want in a potential boyfriend or girlfriend and eventually a husband or wife.

These dates, and those in exclusive relationships, implement three P's for dating.  The first one is that a date is planned.  This means that time and effort and thought were put into making the date worthwhile.  Planning a date also allows the two individuals involved to see the dynamics of presiding over an activity or potentially a family.  When a woman can see that a man is willing to take the lead and oversee an event, she feels taken care of, important(especially if he's taken her into account), and at peace because she doesn't have to stress.

The next P is paid for which makes sense because most dates now involve some kind of money.  I personally prefer when the man pays for things because it makes me feel provided for, although I recognize that some women like to pay.  One of the things that women want from a potential husband or life partner is financial security.  We want him to be dependable and industrious so there is no question in our minds that he will be able to take care of us.

The final P is paired off which shows that the man is willing to protect us.  Being paired off shows this because of his willingness to be held responsible for us.  Think about the dates you've been on where the guy picks you up and you drive somewhere.  He hopefully drives safely and does his best to make you feel safe while he's driving.  Another example would be going to a haunted house with a group of dates.  You will rely on him more than someone else to help you when you get scared.  Both of these example show that women want to feel cared for and safe.


Why is dating important?

When I think about why dating is important I think of a number of stories, both fictional and nonfictional, where two people are married to one another without knowing each other before hand.  In some cases, the parents have arranged the marriages with the best intentions for the children but, in others, the parents do it for political or social reasons.  Most individuals who are subject to arranged marriages start their marriages as strangers and have to navigate through married life and get to know each other at the same time.  Sometimes these marriages never become happy ones while others slowly blossom into something beautiful.
Most of us, however, will not have to participate in an arranged marriage and therefore need the time before marriage to better understand one another.  Dating, both a variety and exclusively, gives a chance to understand others AND to understand ourselves.  Without dating, there is a very real possibility that we don't know the person or ourselves well enough.  We need to utilize the time we have to see a person in many different lights so we can see who and what they are.  This is also true for ourselves.  We never know ourselves better than when we're allowing experiences to show our true colors.

One caveat that I'd like to add here is that there will always be something to know or to learn about someone else or ourselves.  We shouldn't put off the other stages that lead to marriage, like courtship and engagement, because we are afraid we don't know the person all the way.  Everyone changes with each passing day and the task of knowing EVERYTHING about a person is an unrealistic expectation before marriage.  Understanding and knowing a person on deeper and deeper levels comes with time and commitment which are best displayed in marriage.

Gender Roles

This week was very eye opening because of how gender roles affect people.  It seems that through the world's eyes gender stereotypes adults and children.  If someone takes on more feminine qualities they better be a girl or else they are gay.  If someone takes on masculine qualities they better be a boy or the not-so-terrible tomboy.  Because the world has these beliefs it is sometimes hard for people in the middle to feel that they are acceptable.  They often feel like they need to change to fit into these roles when all of us are individual and unique.  Our Father made us that way and created roles so we can complement and better one another.  We are not meant to fill each other's roles.  How beautiful it would be to have a sensitive and emotionally-savvy protector and provider?  How fun would it be to have a tomboy nurturer?  People whose personalities fill a myriad of roles are just as useful, competent, reliable, and desirable as those who fit perfectly into the defined roles.  

 

On a slightly related not, when we were studying about Same-Sex Attraction(SSA), I kept hearing that these men just wanted to feel accepted by men and make male connections.  This led me to thinking that it's so important to maintain a "masculine" and a "feminine" instead of trying to blend everyone into a unisex gender role.  These men said that when they were accepted by the masculine men, they felt a change come over them.  They felt important and one with a group that had previously reviled them.  They came into contact with "warm", masculine men who were willing to include and interact with them even though they were not the stereotypical guy.

We watched a really fascinating video that focused on men who have unwanted SSA.  It really made an impression on me because I have never had a lot of experience with SSA individuals.  This video came from their perspectives and really helped me see.

http://vimeo.com/71799175

All The Choices

These are just two articles on women's choices to have children.  One is about women making the choice to forego children altogether and the other is a 15 minute video on the choice to stay home with your children.  Both are fascinating!

http://content.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2148636,00.html

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504803_162-57598036-10391709/a-mothers-dilemma-stay-at-home-or-not/

Demographic Winter

We watched an interesting video in my class a few weeks ago and, as I've been thinking about it more, I wanted to share the link to the 2-hour(two episodes) production.  I found it fascinating to say the least.  I admittedly finished the program thinking "I need to go out and have ten kids or else mankind will die out".  I don't know if that was the video's intention but I'm probably not going to suddenly fly off my seat to make as many babies as possible.  At least, not quite yet.  ;)

http://www.byutv.org/watch/59b6b917-984a-478f-93b1-521a647779c4/new-economic-reality-demographic-winter-part-1

As I thought more about the program, I thought it might be interesting to find some thoughts from others on the video.  I came across one that I found interesting written by Kathryn Joyce.  She wasn't convinced that we're all going to die out unless we have children and found a few points in the program that she dug deeper in.  If you're interested to see what she has to say, I am including the link to her article.  It's a little long but it has to address two hours' worth of video.

http://kathrynjoyce.com/articles/review-demographic-winter-the-decline-of-the-human-family/

What do you think about what the video has said?  Do you agree with them about the declining population?  What did you think about Joyce's article?

Week 3

This week we talked about class and culture and what they have to do with family.  As a class we defined culture as groups that have different cultures; experiences and understanding; dictates lifestyle.  The dictionary.com definition is "the behaviors and beliefs characteristic of a particular social, ethnic, or age group".  We then went ahead and defined class as levels of society; measured by money, recreation, lifestyle, education, birth, appearance, work, and where an individual lives.  The technical definition is "persons or things regarded as forming a group by reason of common attributes, characteristics, qualities, or traits".

Based on what we defined, we began to talk about how these two terms are interconnected.  If one is influenced, the other is changed as well.  They play off of each other and affect each other.  For example, say you are part of a middle class family where you father is the manager of a grocery store.  You have your needs provided for and are able to participate in activities that require money like the movies, bowling, or sports.  You have grown up being taught that you can get things with hard work.  One day your mother buys a lottery ticket and wins.  Your family is suddenly rich so you move to a better home, buy nicer clothes, and plan to attend a prestigious school.  Your class level has changed because of money and potential for lifestyle and recreation.  Your culture begins to change as well as you interact with people within your new class.  

While this is a very obvious example of class and culture changes, you can have smaller causalities(cause and effect) that make subtle changes.  Family structure is something that directly influences the culture of a family and is often linked to class.  If you are a single parent, especially a mother, you are more likely to be "lower" class because you don't make quite as much, work jobs that require lower education, and live in cheaper neighborhoods.  You aren't bad for being a single mother but you are categorized into a class by influence of your family structure.  The culture in the family is also different since the mother fills the role of both mother and father.  Family relationships are slightly different than if a father or father-figure were in the picture.

All of this may seem like it's only a matter of chance that can change a family but never underestimate your power to change a family culture.  You can take note of patterns in your family and work to change them.  You can even enlist other family members to make the change with you to make it easier.  You can expand your individual culture through experiences and understanding to influence the life you will live.

If you want to make a change, make it.  You can do it!

Praise and Overcome

Whenever I'm out driving I like to listen to a Christian music station called KLove.  I was drawn to the music when I was investigating the Catholic Church a few years ago and I was looking for God in an everyday setting.  I've always been drawn and influenced by music and the music that this station plays is always uplifting.  It is often focused on Jesus Christ but it sends good messages through it's music and through the station anchors that can uplift all people who believe in a higher power.

I was listening this morning and heard this song and thought I would share it because it spoke so strongly to me.  I interpret it as a song that recognizes God's hand in our lives.  He is a director of our paths and He is what matters most to us.  Give it a listen and see how it hits you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ0WTpLDmd4

"I will call on the Lord, who is worthy to be praised"  2 Samuel 22:4


Another song that I've heard lately is "Overcomer" by Mandisa.  The title says it all as it's a song about how everyone experiences hardships but God is there to help.  He believes in you!  He strengthens you and lifts you higher.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg


"And he that overcometh, and keepeth my works unto the end, to him will I give power over the nations."  Revelation 2:26

Post-Conference Response from Ordain Women

A little while ago I posted an article from Deseret News about some Mormon women who had requested tickets to the Priesthood Session of General Conference.  Well, they were respectfully declined through a letter but were committed to showing up anyway.  They planned to go to the Conference Center in Salt Lake City to ask for tickets to get in.  They were declined once again and I thought I would post their blog response here.

I disagree with the need for women to have the priesthood so I would never have done what these women did.  However, it is a little sad to read how heartbroken they were.  I hope that these women listened to the talks in all of the sessions of Conference (there are four, two hour sessions) and received the messages from upper level leaders of the Church who praised them for their current roles.  They were very liberal in their appreciation for the role that women play already and hopeful that women would continue to be as righteous and faithful as ever in their role.

Anyway, here's the link.  Read it.  Explore the website a little as it was interesting to read.

http://ordainwomen.org/ow_blog/

How do you feel about what Kate Kelly has written?

Week 2

This week we spent a day going over different theories of examining families.  I found them interesting because each is a unique yet logical way of looking at the family.  The Systems Theory focuses on how each member of the family is an important part of the whole.  If something happens to one, all others are affected in some way.  We all have roles that we are given that help us fit into our family.

Another theory is the Exchange Theory which allows for cost versus benefit in understanding relationships.  The idea behind it is that if you don't get at least as much back as you give, you won't stick around.  In a relationship, a person weighs the pros and cons of actions they could participate in and then make the best choices.

The Symbolic Interaction Theory explains a view of families that allows for symbols in everything.  Every action is sending a message; all things have meaning whether we respond or not.  The symbols that we interpret are subjective because every action can mean something different from one person to the next.  The family of origin plays a big part in influencing understanding of symbols.

Conflict Theory is an understanding that in families there are limited resources that have to be distributed appropriately.  This theory is often used to explain the differences between genders and classes.  All families have to find a system that allows for compromise.

All of these theories work to explain how multifaceted a family is.  There is no one theory that can completely explain the dynamics of a family because each takes a different look at how the family manages itself.  I think it's fascinating that we can explain one thing in so many diverse ways.

Which theory do you think you would use to look at your family?

Define Family

I am including this picture because in two of my classes last week we talked about the changing definitions of family.  Family is not longer strictly blood relation, it has expanded to mean anyone who fills your life with love and attachment.  We don't know if this is a good or a bad thing because every case is situational but studies will continue to test the newer definition of family.

It's an interesting photo nonetheless.

What do you consider to be "family"??