It has been an incredibly long time since I have posted anything about me or my life. So much has happened since I first created this blog. I’m a single mom now, my husband filed for a divorce in September 2016. I have two children, J and L, who light up my life and keep me on my toes. I moved back to my hometown to be closer to my parents. I graduated college with a Bachelor’s degree and now work for a financial planning company.
Those are just the superficial things. More has happened inside of me. As I’ve looked at the course my life has taken I honestly never thought I would be here. I never wanted to be divorced, I never wanted to work from home, I never wanted to move back to my hometown. Despite my desire for the perfect family and perfect life, I find myself in a different situation and guess what?! I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’ve never felt so full of joy and gratitude. I’ve never thought the world was so bright before.
With the step to separate myself from my toxic husband, I have liberated my spirit and I fly free! I was married to him for 4 years and during that time I progressively lost myself—who I was, what I liked, what my dreams were, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, everything! My life and soul were consumed with worrying about my family and trying to fix my marriage. I spent years “improving” with no actual results because of how twisted my marriage was. Now that I do not have the day to day struggle, I find that there are pieces of me that I haven’t seen in ages that are reappearing.
On the outside I look like a young mom who is perhaps haggard and stretched but still relatively happy. I look like I’ve got things handled and that I’ve transitioned into the single mom role with grace. I imagine that I look like I have everything under control. That’s certainly not how it feels! Being a mom is difficult; being a single mom is even more so. J is 2.5 years and L is 10 months. I can’t keep up with them. They literally run circles around me and pull my hair out for me! I’m often at the end of my rope by the end of the day and still have to find more rope because I have more things to do PLUS a night of multiple wakings to get through. I am a mom.
However, on the inside, I am in full bloom! I can sing again! My love for dancing has resurfaced with all of its untrained glory! I feel my adventurous, vivacious, silly side reappearing. I want to try new things and retry the old things I used to love. I feel my confidence coming back to me in great strides and that makes me want to aim high. I feel a renewed sense of life return to me and push me toward doing things I’ve always wanted to do and becoming who I’ve always wanted to be. My divorce has been a catalyst to loving myself and opening my arms to living again. To me, that’s pretty amazing and I want to shout it from the rooftops!
I AM FREE!!!! I AM EXCITED TO BE ME!!!!