I'm Back!

It has been an incredibly long time since I have posted anything about me or my life.  So much has happened since I first created this blog.  I’m a single mom now, my husband filed for a divorce in September 2016.  I have two children, J and L, who light up my life and keep me on my toes.  I moved back to my hometown to be closer to my parents.  I graduated college with a Bachelor’s degree and now work for a financial planning company.

Those are just the superficial things.  More has happened inside of me.  As I’ve looked at the course my life has taken I honestly never thought I would be here.  I never wanted to be divorced, I never wanted to work from home, I never wanted to move back to my hometown.  Despite my desire for the perfect family and perfect life, I find myself in a different situation and guess what?!  I’m happier than I’ve ever been.  I’ve never felt so full of joy and gratitude.  I’ve never thought the world was so bright before.

With the step to separate myself from my toxic husband, I have liberated my spirit and I fly free!  I was married to him for 4 years and during that time I progressively lost myself—who I was, what I liked, what my dreams were, where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, everything!  My life and soul were consumed with worrying about my family and trying to fix my marriage.  I spent years “improving” with no actual results because of how twisted my marriage was.  Now that I do not have the day to day struggle, I find that there are pieces of me that I haven’t seen in ages that are reappearing.

On the outside I look like a young mom who is perhaps haggard and stretched but still relatively happy.  I look like I’ve got things handled and that I’ve transitioned into the single mom role with grace.  I imagine that I look like I have everything under control.  That’s certainly not how it feels!  Being a mom is difficult; being a single mom is even more so.  J is 2.5 years and L is 10 months.  I can’t keep up with them.  They literally run circles around me and pull my hair out for me!  I’m often at the end of my rope by the end of the day and still have to find more rope because I have more things to do PLUS a night of multiple wakings to get through.  I am a mom.

However, on the inside, I am in full bloom!  I can sing again!  My love for dancing has resurfaced with all of its untrained glory!  I feel my adventurous, vivacious, silly side reappearing.  I want to try new things and retry the old things I used to love.  I feel my confidence coming back to me in great strides and that makes me want to aim high.  I feel a renewed sense of life return to me and push me toward doing things I’ve always wanted to do and becoming who I’ve always wanted to be.  My divorce has been a catalyst to loving myself and opening my arms to living again.  To me, that’s pretty amazing and I want to shout it from the rooftops! 

I AM FREE!!!!  I AM EXCITED TO BE ME!!!!

God's Not Dead

This is a trailer for a movie that looks really great!  I love the story line and the need that this movie will fill in reminding us that God is involved in our lives.  As a Christian, this movie helps me feel courageous and makes me want to share what I believe about God.

God's Not Dead

God's Not Dead: The Song that Inspired the Movie

I know that God is a kind and merciful God whose deepest desire is to bless and love us.  He asks us to do our best in this life and prove our love for Him.  Without God, it is impossible for us to obtain everlasting life.  He sent His son, Jesus Christ to suffer all of our pains, illnesses, heartaches, and afflictions so that Christ could empathize with us perfectly.  (http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/7.11)  There is nothing that he doesn't understand and nothing he can't help us overcome or endure.

God, my heavenly Father, loves me.  He cares about my success.  He will not abandon me or leave me friendless.  I know that God lives!

Praise and Overcome

Whenever I'm out driving I like to listen to a Christian music station called KLove.  I was drawn to the music when I was investigating the Catholic Church a few years ago and I was looking for God in an everyday setting.  I've always been drawn and influenced by music and the music that this station plays is always uplifting.  It is often focused on Jesus Christ but it sends good messages through it's music and through the station anchors that can uplift all people who believe in a higher power.

I was listening this morning and heard this song and thought I would share it because it spoke so strongly to me.  I interpret it as a song that recognizes God's hand in our lives.  He is a director of our paths and He is what matters most to us.  Give it a listen and see how it hits you!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJ0WTpLDmd4

"I will call on the Lord, who is worthy to be praised"  2 Samuel 22:4


Another song that I've heard lately is "Overcomer" by Mandisa.  The title says it all as it's a song about how everyone experiences hardships but God is there to help.  He believes in you!  He strengthens you and lifts you higher.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg


"And he that overcometh, and keepeth my works unto the end, to him will I give power over the nations."  Revelation 2:26

Post-Conference Response from Ordain Women

A little while ago I posted an article from Deseret News about some Mormon women who had requested tickets to the Priesthood Session of General Conference.  Well, they were respectfully declined through a letter but were committed to showing up anyway.  They planned to go to the Conference Center in Salt Lake City to ask for tickets to get in.  They were declined once again and I thought I would post their blog response here.

I disagree with the need for women to have the priesthood so I would never have done what these women did.  However, it is a little sad to read how heartbroken they were.  I hope that these women listened to the talks in all of the sessions of Conference (there are four, two hour sessions) and received the messages from upper level leaders of the Church who praised them for their current roles.  They were very liberal in their appreciation for the role that women play already and hopeful that women would continue to be as righteous and faithful as ever in their role.

Anyway, here's the link.  Read it.  Explore the website a little as it was interesting to read.

http://ordainwomen.org/ow_blog/

How do you feel about what Kate Kelly has written?

Sidewalk: A Metaphor for Teaching in the Home

I wrote this metaphor a year ago for my education class which I tailored to my desire to teach in the home.

My metaphor for teaching and learning is a sidewalk.  The process of building a sidewalk intrigued me and fit into how I want my life to move.  Each step of the process represents the steps of building a strong and even life.

 Sub base

 You start by laying down the correct foundation to keep the sidewalk from shifting when the ground gets wet.  To me, the foundation is built on Christ because he is unshakable and constant.  

Forms

These give direction and shape to the sidewalk.  They allow for proper drainage and should be in good condition.    In my metaphor, the forms are the doctrines taught as eternal truths.  They shape our paths as we add them to our firm foundation.

Concrete

 Pour the concrete and then, before it hardens, rake and move the concrete so there are no air pockets or voids.  Each block of concrete is a separate principle that follows the direction of the doctrines.  You need to have as much knowledge of these principles and faith to support them as you can so you don’t have any voids in your life that Satan can fill.

Screed and Float

 These are tools that we use to even out the depressions and peaks.  They smooth the concrete into its final state.  Screeding and floating are tools that help us fine tune the concrete.  In the same way, tools are used to fine tune our understanding and help the principles and doctrines fit into our lives, with Christ as our foundation.

Curing

 You leave the concrete to set so it doesn’t become uneven or cracked.  You also cover it in good quality sealer and wash it with soap and water.  This setting, in the metaphor of life and teaching, is just a period of time when what you’ve learned sinks in, becoming a deep understanding.  You’ll be watching for cracks in your understanding so you can fix them and keeping an eye out for unevenness that might upset the balance in your life.  You will strengthen and care for your faith and knowledge through use of the atonement and the approval of Father in Heaven. 

You have to make an effort to keep things in their proper order.  Now, you can walk in the direction Christ has given you on the strong foundation that he provides in doctrines, principles, and tools.  You cannot be lost if you are on His path.

 Who am I and what motivates me?

 I am a daughter of God.  I am capable of reaching a higher state of myself and attaining perfection.  I have the capacity to learn and grow to heights that I can hardly imagine on my own.  Knowing that I have this potential helps me evaluate where I am and how I can be better.  Remembering who my Father is gives me a direction to work in.  I am also a mother.  I have a divine calling to raise righteous children to the Lord.  I am being blessed to feel a glimpse of the love that Father has for all of us.  I need to be prepared to care for these children and teach them the truths that they need to know.  I have the love of God inside of me, helping me to see with his eyes those that I bring into this world.  I have lessons and experiences that must come my way so I am prepared to love and serve the children he sends to me.  I am an example to others.  This is a really unique one because it means I have a lot to live up to.  I am to be an asset to my brothers and sisters.  I need to live in such a way that those around me will see my happiness and righteousness and want that for themselves.

How do I view those I teach?

 There are two groups of people that I will be blessed to teach.  The first are my children.  I see them as gifts from God that he felt would be best cared for in my hands.  They are better than me and will probably teach me more than I can teach them.  They are ready minds that will love the Lord and desire the truth that comes with that love.  They are special and important.  They have something to offer the world and will do what they can to show it to others.  The second group is those that I associate with.  These will be people from all walks of life and from many different backgrounds.  They will be the people around me that I can serve and love.  They are those that may feel Father’s love but need more guidance or those that are searching for His love.  They are people that I can help with my example and love for them and desire to serve them every way I can.

What is my work as learner and teacher?

 As a learner, it’s my job to be constantly on the lookout for something I can learn.  Life is meant to teach us and if I’m sitting around, avoiding living and life, then I’m not doing my job.  I need to be willing to jump into new situations and look to learn.  I need to observe others and listen to them to expand my understanding.  I have to have a desire to learn if I want to learn something.  As a teacher my task gets a little harder.  I have to understand a concept or a topic before I can teach it.  At the same time, I need to be willing to learn from those I teach because they have something to offer me.  I need to think of ways that my learners will learn best so they can comprehend what I’m teaching.  Like the Savior, I need to think of meaningful questions that prompt some kind of action.  I must remember to teach with love and service.

What is worth teaching?

 I am lucky to have a very clear outline of what exactly I should teach my children.  I am to teach them the principles of the gospel.  I need to teach them to pray and develop a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  I need to teach the truth that Father loves them and wants them back to live with him.  I need to teach my children the atonement of Jesus Christ and what it personally does for them.  I also need to teach them that Satan is very real and will try to make them his every chance that he gets but that he can only have power over them if they give it to him.  Lastly, I need to teach my children how to grow spiritually from the adversities and challenges they will face. 

How do I learn?

 I learn from observation.  I understand best when things are laid out before me so I can see them.  Things make more sense when they are acted out.  My experiences continue to teach me a lot.  They allow me to measure how much I’m learning from a situation and apply it.  Adversity also teaches me as I experience it.  The trials point out my weaknesses that I may not have seen otherwise. 

Doctrines and Principles

  Reality

-Teach how the world is now, as it really is(Wolk)           

How I can foster that:  Talk to them about what’s on the news and how it might affect your family.

-Give clues to life around them(Addams)

-Reality is a process children should know.  They should be able to see how they fit into the world(Freire)                                                                    

Agency

 -Allow children to discover and choose their social responsibilities.  Give them freedom of creation and imagination.(Wolk)

-We cannot force our children to see and understand light.  They have to choose to see it.(Plato)

-Sacred texts don’t tell us what to do but portrays examples to follow.(Aquinas)                                                              

Nature of Man

 -The name that Father gives us of “children” is the most excellent name he could have given us.  Children are a delight and pleasure.(Commenius)

-The power and capacity of learning is already in the soul.(Plato)

-What can we teach ourselves?  If you do not confine children they will progress better.  People progress according to genius, taste, needs, talents, zeal, and opportunities.  You have to work for what you want.  All men need to experience slight ills.(Rousseau)

-Children are born with knowledge.  There is only an awakening of what’s inside of them.(Freire)

            How can I foster that:  Hands on activities, acts of understanding.

-We need to teach our children to be doers.(Aquinas)                                                               

Inquiry

-Encourage critical thinking.  Help them as they discover themselves and their own motivation.  Create an atmosphere where anything can be questioned and empower them to find an answer through meaningful questions and work.(Wolk)

-Allow them to question what you say.  Teach them to process their ideas and grasp a subject from theory to practice.(Perry)

-Look at the many different ways principles, doctrines, and tools can be organized.  Have them ask themselves what’s most important to their lives then.(Bednar)

-Zeal will atone for lack of learning.  Children need to be encouraged to have a love of learning.(Rousseau)

-Instruction comes by revelation and scriptures.(Aquinas)

Thoughts on Children

I saw a list in August on Pinterest about some number of things to do before you have a baby. After reading the list, I was a little saddened because many of the things that you HAVE to do before you have a baby are things that would be EVEN MORE FUN with a baby(or three). Making memories with a family is more fun than making memories with friends. Years from now, when you sit with your family, it will mean more to reminisce about FAMILY trips and vacations and memories than it will be to talk about trips with friends. Don't hold back from experiencing life in its RICHEST forms.

I was in a parenting class for my major last semester and this is from one of the readings: 

Those who devote themselves to having children and doing all they can to raise them

righteously will be crowned with the greatest blessings God can give to His offspring: full equality with Him. They will be granted the full extent of His creative power. Therefore,President Harold B. Lee warned: “Those who refuse as husbands and wives to have children are proving themselves already too small for the infinitude of God’s creative powers.”

Women Request Tickets to Priesthood Session of LDS General Conference

I wanted to share this article in Deseret News about women seeking the priesthood in the LDS (Mormon) church.

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865586996/LDS-Church-responds-to-priesthood-meeting-request-by-activists.html?pg=all

I found this an interesting piece because it shows how these women feel in a very respectful way.  As a member of the Church, and a woman, I disagree with what Kelly has said about women deserving to be on "equal" spiritual footing.  Something that I took an interest into when I was younger was the priesthood and how it is used.  Men in the Church are ordained with sacred priesthood and power that they are to use to help and serve.  Women have immediate access to this power just by knowing a worthy priesthood holder.  We can ask for Heavenly Father's help through that priesthood at any time.  We work side by side with priesthood holders who serve as leaders in the Church.  Because we have all these opportunities to work with and receive help from the priesthood, there really is no immediate need for women to be ordained.

Personally, I feel that my understanding of how the priesthood affects my life has helped me to feel just as righteous and spiritually powerful as the men around me.  I allow them to serve me as they offer priesthood blessings or pass sacrament(very similar to Catholic Eucharist) during church.  I let them help me as we team together to plan ward(congregation) activities and make better changes in the Church.  They do what God has asked them to do by using their priesthood to lift those around them.  I do what God has asked me to do by allowing them to exercise this power in ways that help me.

I don't want the priesthood and I never will.  I am overjoyed that my husband, father, brothers, uncles, and grandfathers all have this sacred power that is used to empower all those around them.  I am pleased with my role as supporter more than I think I would be if I were the "user".  I am content to fill my spiritual bucket and watch them fill theirs in the ways we've been given.

What I've learned.

This list is from a while back but the lessons I learned still apply.  I hope this helps someone…yup.

 1.  All things will end up fixed whether it’s the way you want it or not.

 2.  Crying makes you feel better…so let yourself cry.

 3.  Pray!  Always pray.

 4.  Keep going to church NO MATTER WHAT!!

 5.  Holding on to the anger and hurt only makes the wound deeper.

 6.  Let go and forgive.  Allow yourself to move on.

 7.  Go to the temple or think of the temple as often as you can.  Great strength is given by your righteous desires.

 8.  Read your scriptures.  Read anything from them that is worth reading.

 9.  Talk about what you are feeling, even if it’s out loud to yourself.

10.  Recognize your part in your life and do all you can to fix whatever is wrong with you.

11.  Don’t pity yourself.  Go to work.

12.  Most importantly:  Have a positive attitude, have faith, and hold tightly to the Lord.

Climbing

Have you ever had an experience where you felt like you were climbing and climbing and there would never be an end to the climbing?  I know I have.  I was thinking about that today and a few things came to mind.  First, is the mountain you are climbing really big enough to keep going?  I mean, there are some problems that really are as big as they feel but, there are others that are tiny molehills.  The first step to figuring out how to handle the problem is to find out how big it is(that way you don't waste more energy than is necessary figuring it out).

The second thing I thought about was whether or not you actually need to keep climbing.  There are times when mountain climbers have to stop and rest for a while.  Sometimes they stop because they are tired.  Other times they stop because the weather is too bad or they need to be acclimated.  If you are tired from climbing, take a break.  Maybe you need to adjust to what is going on in the moment before moving on to the next incline.  Perhaps if you keep going things will only get messier and more complicated and problematic.  Make sure you really need to be climbing before you waste time doing so.

The third thing is that you always need to remember that there is an end to the mountain.  Sooner or later, you will reach the top.  You will stand on the peak and look out at all the beauty in front of you and behind you.  You will see how far you've come and how many obstacles you overcame.  There will be a feeling of accomplishment and great thanksgiving when you finally see all that you have done.

God says to us in Alma 26 that "when our hearts [are] depressed....behold, the Lord [comforts] us, and [says]:  Go...and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success."

Go and have patience.  Look at the mountain you are climbing and make sure you are doing what is needful.

Call Me

I don't know if anyone else feels this way but, I love loving people.  I love helping others.  It makes me so happy.  I love listening to what others have to say about their lives.  Actually, I find lives incredibly intriguing.  We are so dimensional and multifaceted.  We have our own situations and even the similar ones are different.  Learning how others view their lives and what they want to do with them or where they want them to go is fascinating.
I also believe that talking everything out makes the weight leave you.  So, I work to make myself available at any time so that others can have a listening ear and a loving heart to talk to.  I have spent years learning how to love and accept anyone for who they are, no matter what.  I want to be someone that people can come to and know that what they say to me will never make my opinion of them change.  I want to be the person they can call for any reason and I will help as much as I can.  I want others to feel that I love them.  I want them to feel comfortable.
Plus, loving people helps you forget yourself.  It helps you really tune in on the other person which, in turn, makes you forget all of your problems.  Focusing on others helps me relate to them better; I have more empathy and sympathy.  I am a better tool in the Lord's hand.  I can touch people that need to be touched.  I can do great things with love.
LOVE.  It's the best thing you can do.  :)

Where's your focus?

You know how you always feel like your problem is the biggest one?  You focus on what's wrong with you and become consumed in your own problems.  Well, I've learned that my problems are not as big as others'.  Today, I spoke with my friend who is going through a tough trial.  She lost her father to cancer a while ago and, now, her mother is slowly dying from cancer in her back.  My friend is not even thirty but her parents will both be gone.  She exhibits so much strength and faith every day.  She lives with her mom, or relatively close, and watches her as each day she gets a little more unhealthy.  But, my friend loses no hope.  She has faith in the plan of happiness, where families can be together forever.  She has faith that God knows us all and watches us and helps us.  She has faith that Jesus Christ suffered for us and that he is the greatest comforter we can ask for.  She is such a brave young lady and her mom is such brave example to all of us of happiness and faith.

Our problems are big to us but, if we can look around us, we can find others who struggle too.  We can find people who need love and support even when they don't know it.  We can strengthen ourselves by strengthening others.  We can spread love and healing and peace.  We can show our faith by looking past ourselves and focusing on others.

Goals and Beliefs

I believe that everything happens for a reason, whether we intentionally made something happen through our choices or not.  We cannot control how others interact with us and what they do.  We can't control the disasters that come into our lives that we had nothing to do with.  However, we can control our reactions to the events that happen to us.  We have a choice on how we handle our life situations.  I believe that everything that happens to us has a purpose that we need to discover.  Events don't just happen to happen.  If there is a reason for everything, there is a reason you are experiencing what you are experiencing.  The answer may not be obvious.  The answer may not even come until years down the road.  But, answers do come; we will know why things happen.  The answers we receive, the discoveries that we make, may not be what we wanted to learn or what we thought we learned, but we still learn them.  We still grow.

My life is not unique with what I have experienced and the lessons I have learned are not unique either but, they are unique to me and have made me who I am.

 I am making the journey through life one day at a time.