There has been so much this week that has gotten me excited!
What is dating?
Dating is a time to get to know someone and increase intimacy with them. Usually, when we think of dating we think of boyfriends and girlfriends who are exclusively spending time together. However, there is a earlier form of dating that is often ignored. This dating involves going on dates with a variety of people without choosing one person in particular. These dates are meant for initiating relationships and enjoying people's company. They involve less commitment because you aren't singling off but, at the same time, they allow you to become more certain of what you might actually want in a potential boyfriend or girlfriend and eventually a husband or wife.
These dates, and those in exclusive relationships, implement three P's for dating. The first one is that a date is planned. This means that time and effort and thought were put into making the date worthwhile. Planning a date also allows the two individuals involved to see the dynamics of presiding over an activity or potentially a family. When a woman can see that a man is willing to take the lead and oversee an event, she feels taken care of, important(especially if he's taken her into account), and at peace because she doesn't have to stress.
The next P is paid for which makes sense because most dates now involve some kind of money. I personally prefer when the man pays for things because it makes me feel provided for, although I recognize that some women like to pay. One of the things that women want from a potential husband or life partner is financial security. We want him to be dependable and industrious so there is no question in our minds that he will be able to take care of us.
The final P is paired off which shows that the man is willing to protect us. Being paired off shows this because of his willingness to be held responsible for us. Think about the dates you've been on where the guy picks you up and you drive somewhere. He hopefully drives safely and does his best to make you feel safe while he's driving. Another example would be going to a haunted house with a group of dates. You will rely on him more than someone else to help you when you get scared. Both of these example show that women want to feel cared for and safe.
Why is dating important?
When I think about why dating is important I think of a number of stories, both fictional and nonfictional, where two people are married to one another without knowing each other before hand. In some cases, the parents have arranged the marriages with the best intentions for the children but, in others, the parents do it for political or social reasons. Most individuals who are subject to arranged marriages start their marriages as strangers and have to navigate through married life and get to know each other at the same time. Sometimes these marriages never become happy ones while others slowly blossom into something beautiful.
Most of us, however, will not have to participate in an arranged marriage and therefore need the time before marriage to better understand one another. Dating, both a variety and exclusively, gives a chance to understand others AND to understand ourselves. Without dating, there is a very real possibility that we don't know the person or ourselves well enough. We need to utilize the time we have to see a person in many different lights so we can see who and what they are. This is also true for ourselves. We never know ourselves better than when we're allowing experiences to show our true colors.
One caveat that I'd like to add here is that there will always be something to know or to learn about someone else or ourselves. We shouldn't put off the other stages that lead to marriage, like courtship and engagement, because we are afraid we don't know the person all the way. Everyone changes with each passing day and the task of knowing EVERYTHING about a person is an unrealistic expectation before marriage. Understanding and knowing a person on deeper and deeper levels comes with time and commitment which are best displayed in marriage.
Great post Sara! Thanks for diving in and making some great connections! You discussed the various aspects of dating, how do you think the dating culture of BYU-I differs from the world's idea of dating? I loved your thought that "we never know ourselves better than when we're allowing experiences to show our true colors." I fully agree that when we are honest and sincere while dating and having new experiences with those we are dating we can more fully understand ourselves. Some of my biggest growing moments have been while dating. I also liked your idea that dating and courtship requires faith and trust as 'knowing everything about a person is an unrealistic expectation." In your opinion what are some of the best ways to sincerely get to know some one?
ReplyDeleteEmily, I really think that our dates are just not as "dangerous" as the world's. What I mean is that we don't go out and drink, have sex, or participate in drugs or dangerous activities while we're on dates. However, I think that we do exactly what the world does in hanging out instead of going on "dates".
ReplyDeleteI think one of the best ways to really get to know someone is just to talk to them. You can tell A LOT about someone when you get them talking. You'll learn their maturity level, their intelligence level, what they believe in, what they don't believe in, how they live their lives, what they think is funny, and what they find interesting. If you can create dates that allow for talking, I think you will learn the most.
Another idea is to take them on a variety of dates or make a date multifaceted. What I'm thinking is a date that might start out well but has some planned twists and turns that perhaps add pressure, stress, excitement, or unknown. Dates like that would also help you see the many sides of someone.