Why do people get married? Isn't that the question?

Most people say that they get married for a number of reasons.  Here is a list of what we came up with in my Family Relations class:

deep care and affection

intimacy

love

religion

family

happiness

social expectation

companionship

potential to become better

logical

shared life experiences

We felt that this list covered a variety of indicators that people take into account when they want to commit to someone for life.  Are there any that you would add?

Once you've found someone that you think you want to pursue a relationship with it's important to get to know them on deeper levels.  The following questions can help you see where you stand on different points and give you a closer look at your future one-and-only.

Questions to ask a potential spouse:

1. How will last names change after marriage?  Will the wife take the husband's name or will they hyphenate their names?
2. How will you divide labor in the home?  In the workplace?
3. Will you have children?  How many?  When?
4. How will you divide up the childcare responsibilities?
5. What kind of discipline will you use?
6. How will you decide where to live?  Will it be based on family or work?
7. Who will be the breadwinner?
8. How will financial decisions be made?
9. What will be your relationship with extended family?
10. How will you observe holidays?
11. How will you address frustrations or concerns?
12. Whose opinion will weigh more in a discussion?
13. How will you change things if they aren't working?

When do you start asking these questions?

• During Courtship(exclusive dating) and engagement.  These are the times when you are delving deeper into understanding a person.  You want to find out where you match up and how much you are willing to accommodate for the other.
• Make sure you reevaluate and ask these questions often.  Sometimes the answers change!
• Remember that marriage is about compromises and working together.

Having these questions answered before entering a marriage is a useful step in avoiding disagreements and surprises once you are marriage.  Many of these questions come up in one way or another during the first year of marriage and can often cause rifts in a relationship.  By being proactive beforehand, you are able to avoid these disagreements before they even happen.