This
was really interesting to read because I have never even thought about some of
the things that Lundy has mentioned. He
talked about how the men who abuse are not interested in changing their
behavior and often make women feel that they are the crazy ones. They seek sympathy in a very selfish way by
blaming anything for their behavior.
They allow their feelings to bottle up inside of them and then give
themselves permission to explode and go beyond what the normal angry person
would. Most of these men do not have
psychological problems or deeper, more passionate feelings. Their only difference is that they seek to
always be the center of attention and manipulate the situations around them so
they can “do their worst”. They are
completely cognitive and clear-headed when they are abusing the victim and can
even stop themselves from going “too far”.
It seems to Lundy that these men have confused ideas about what is right
and what is wrong because they know that doing things to others is bad but they
justify their behavior with their partners.
The abuse doesn’t even have to happen when they are angry. They use their manipulation and lying to put
the victim in a false sense of security and then they lash out in the way that
will hurt most. This isn’t their way of
pushing from intimacy because abusive men are neither afraid or abandonment nor
intimacy, they only have an abusive mind.
This mind can be pushed to the extreme by alcohol, drugs, or mental
illnesses but, upon solving these other problems, the men still exhibit abusive
thinking and behaviors.
I found this extremely enlightening and I think that
being aware of the truth will help me better understand those who suffer and
those that inflict the suffering. I
hadn’t realized how aware abusers are of their actions and this changes how I
view them. I’m quite confident that if I
ever need to help any women with understanding an abuser, I’ll know enough that
I can explain the man’s thought process.
It seems to me that the likelihood of Lundy being correct is more than
men being the victims or not knowing what they’re doing. I hope that I can remember these few, simple
truths so I can help women on the path of healing and understanding.
No comments:
Post a Comment