I'd like to take a moment to talk about how to teach children about sex and intimacy.
It is my personal belief that parents should be the direct source of what children learn about sex. I feel that it is the parent's responsibility to create responsible citizens and this is a facet of that responsibility. While I have no children of my own, I did have parents, and I saw how daunting it was to talk to me about sex and being close to someone emotionally. This topic is a hard thing to talk about! However, I think there is a way to approach this sensitive but important topic.
As you've read before, I'm a member of the Mormon faith and we believe that sexual relations are sacred and meant for husbands and wives. It is my understanding that the act of sex is there to help build the bonds that tie man and woman together emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Intimacy creates opportunities to learn to work together, to learn consideration and concern for others, to feel loved and supported, and to become "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24) and "one heart and one mind" (Moses 7:18).
If this is what sexual intimacy is meant to be, how do we teach that to our children? How can we share our beliefs and the truths that we've experienced with love-making and intimacy in a respectful way that they can understand?
There is one way that seems to come up more and more and that is outsourcing the teaching of intimacy and sex to organizations and groups who come up with a curriculum and a method of teaching. While this may seem appealing, I feel that it will be to our detriment. Check out these articles: http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/mandatory-sex-ed-curriculum-new-york-city-public-schools-132404248.html?dr and http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/19/opinion/does-sex-ed-undermine-parental-rights.html?_r=2&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1383886701-LIM78vEDjFFUpfKMeO6nRQ. This is an actual plan for teaching kids about sex and I think it lacks the proper training in the beauty and love that is meant when a person has sex. Would you want your children going through these classes at school?
There is another way. My Church has published a parent's guide to when and how to bring up sexual intimacy. It is fairly detailed and informative. I've read it before and found some of the ideas interesting and helpful. Here is the link: http://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide. This isn't a strictly Christian approach to helping children and teens understand sex, it is a respectful and thoughtful way of presenting something that should mean more than a good time.
Intimacy is the growth of two people in the same direction. It is the entwining of hearts and minds. Sex is meant to build, uplift, solidify, and enhance a marriage relationship. Isn't that what we want our children to know?
I love that you discussed the importance and responsibility parents have to be appropriately direct with children. Elder Russell M. Nelson has said, "They need to nurture their spiritual as well as physical intimacy. They should strive to elevate and motivate each other. Marital unity is sustained when goals are mutually understood." As sexual relations are so sacred and can bring so much love, they need to be discussed with children with careful consideration. What are your feelings about schools teaching children sex education? When do you think is an appropriate change to discuss intimacy with children? I appreciated the thought you gave that "intimacy is the growth of two people in the same direction." What a beautiful thought!
ReplyDeleteI don't feel that schools should be involved in sex education because most schools have an agenda behind their lessons. In an idealistic world, I'd want parents to understand the importance and specialness of sex and teach their children to respect and value intimacy. I would want parents to talk to their children about when sex is appropriate and why it is that way. That would mean that parents need to be educated and value intimacy.
ReplyDeleteHowever, this isn't how the world is. Children get involved sexually without their parents even knowing. Some children are the products of "children" engaging in sexual acts that they never should have. Parents who come from my generation also don't understand the psychological and emotional damage that out-of-wedlock sex has on the human being.
That being the case, I can see why schools would think it's their place to teach their students sex education. When there is a deficit coming from the family, the school is often called upon to pick up the slack. But here you run into the problem of the "sex talk" being depersonalized and the information being out of sync with children's beliefs and values. You run the risk of educating people on things that they only need to know if they are going to disregard the facts on how sexual intimacy affects a person.
Ultimately, I think that if schools are determined to teach sex education, the content should be carefully evaluated to represent the parent and child values and beliefs, to utilize true and accurate research on STDs, emotional effects, and psychological effects, and to completely coincide with what health care professionals, family advocates, child advocates, and religions say. It's a lofty task but it's very important for the futures of children.
To answer your other question, I like what the Church resource has said about starting them young. They have a section for teaching children from infancy to 3 years old. There is always something you can teach your children but you should never teach them too much, too soon. The Parent's Guide that I gave a link for in the original post is a WONDERFUL resource for helping parents explain this delicate topic.