Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Thoughts on Chapter 15 of Why Does He Do That


This chapter talked about what people can do to empower a victim and spread awareness on domestic violence.  One way that people close to a victim can help is by helping them break out of the thought vortex.  Women in abusive situations often lose sight of what’s truly important because they are so worried about the abuser and how they can make him happy.  The first step is to turn your attention back onto what matters:  you and your children.  One way that the woman can do this is by keeping a journal that talks about her and also documents when he’s doing something that makes her crazy.  This allows the victim to see who she really is and recognize what he is really doing. 
When you are trying to help a victim as an third party, it’s important to not be like an abuser.  This means that you need to consciously make her feel like an equal and let her know that she is in charge.  The abused woman understands the situation better than you do and she needs your patience as she works to navigate through it safely and successfully.  We need to respect her by listening more because it allows her to exert herself and be in control, something she isn’t used to doing with the abuser.  The best measure for success as a third party is helping the woman feel like she has the right to be in charge of her life and helping her think of and implement strategies to make her safe.
The hardest part about being outside of the abuse cycle is helping the victim realize that she is being abused.  It’s important to remember that ultimately she is the one who needs to take action but that she won’t be able to do it alone when the time comes.  You need to stay in her life or at least make it obvious that you are there to help her.  Being a genuine friend is a great way to do this because you show sincere interest and love for her.  She can trust you in emergencies and knows you will treat her well. 

I found this chapter very emboldening because it gave me the desire to stand up and fight against domestic violence.  I want to be involved in everything and learn more so I can teach others about it.  I loved the idea of being trained as a counselor for abusers or for the victim because it allows you to deal one on one with the people who are caught up in domestic violence.  This chapter really just got me excited to share what I know and do more to help those who suffer from domestic violence.

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