Thoughts on Chapter 5 of Why Does He Do That

It’s very easy as a woman to mistake the signs of abuse as signs of his caring and adoration.  Abusive men are attentive, conscientious, and committed but they are also controlling, possessive, and self-centered.  While abusive men don’t initially plan on becoming abusive, they resort to abuse as they lose control.  They often set women up to high standards and begin berating them when they don’t live up to those standards.  They start to blame the woman for anything wrong with the relationship and has double standards so you never can do anything right. 

These and other signs move you into an abusive realm that is harder to leave when you are more deeply involved.  Now he retaliates against your complaining and makes you feel guilty for not accepting his insincere apologies.  You are the reason for his behavior changes and he doesn’t have to own up to what he’s done.  He’ll cut you off from your dreams and put fear in your heart.  He will exhibit this behavior in patterns as he exploits the imbalance of power to control you.

I really think that this chapter did a great job of explaining some warning signs in clear and concise ways.  I understand better what men can do in a relationship to push it to the extreme.  Knowing these signs and when the behaviors take a nasty allows me to help those around me who may not know.  I can share some of the red flags that are occasionally disguised as desirable qualities.  I can inform others about when a behavior crosses over into abuse so they are more aware.  I think that this line can be hard to identify because nonabusive individuals can express these same actions.  If I can bring awareness to the power retaining conduct, then women who may be susceptible can take proper action.

I can also help them make decisions about what to do once they are in a relationship that they suspect to be abusive.  I can introduce them to different hotlines and community sponsored programs that can help them take control of their lives once again.


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