A Minority But No Less Important

Same-sex relationships are often underrepresented in domestic violence data.  I found this story online and decided to share it with you.

http://gmdvp.org/curts-story/

Gary had grown up with a violent atmosphere and was familiar and susceptible to drug abuse and violence.  Gary made Curt feel important and loved.  He gave him purpose in his coming out and made him happy. 

Gary wasn’t the typical abuser because he was also violent to a third party who wasn’t in a relationship with him.  However, this backfired because he was so drunk he couldn’t really do any harm to the coworker. 

Gary was manipulative to Curt, making him miss time with friends, keeping him from ending the relationship, and bouncing back and forth between loving and abusing. 

The relationship really took a turn for the worst when Gary tried to rape Curt on Thanksgiving.  He was threatened with death and managed to talk and soothe his way out of it.  Curt went into hiding by relying on his co-workers and boss for shelter.  He was provided with a month and a half’s time off with paid salary and was able to make his life better again.  Curt maintained contact with Gary intermittently until Gary committed suicide a year and a half after they broke up. 

I was surprised at Curt’s presence of mind when Gary was threatening to kill him.  He calculated how much of a chance he had of escaping and decided it would be better to be let go than to make a run for it.  I think this made a big difference in how the experience played out because it potentially saved his life.  Had he tried to run from Gary, I’m convinced, as was Curt, that Gary would have gone too far and killed him.  His cleverness and calmness that he used to convince Gary that he wouldn’t leave was a great step in easing the tension and interrupting the cycle.

I was also surprised by the fact that there were no shelters that Curt could go to in order to get help.  It seems to me that a men’s shelter should take all men in but, if there is no men’s shelter, there should be segregated quarters of a woman’s shelter to accommodate the few men that come for help.  I was also disappointed by the response of the therapy center.  I think there should be some kind of patient crisis alternatives to protect the patient in dangerous situations.  How is he supposed to get help from professionals if they are unwilling to accommodate him?

I especially liked that he had such a strong support system that he could rely on.  Most victims seem to be cut off from their friends and family so I thought that this was a blessing.  If Curt hadn’t had understanding friends or a supportive boss, he might not have had the same fortunate outcome as he did.